Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize