remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You are a genius and a whore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
