I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
