every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
