There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize