my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
