I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
