So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
