I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
