HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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