Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want her autograph on my taint
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
