they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
