I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my shit smells like andre
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
