i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
