Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
smell my finger.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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