i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
