I will die if light touches me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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