my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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