That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
