just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
