She announced her abortion via fbk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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