ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
