OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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