My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
