after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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