You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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