More tranny stories later!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
