He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
