this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
