C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
