used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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