I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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