so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
