Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
