once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
