trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
