I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
