So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
