I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
