Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
