ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
