I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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