I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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