Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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