How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
