He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
