Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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