do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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