Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
