guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
