remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
