I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
