if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
