I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
