If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
