guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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